


Heartache

by endlessnight



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Melancholy, Sad Oikawa, Song fic, Underage Kissing, listen i dont even know, oikage relationship in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:03:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5024038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessnight/pseuds/endlessnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't think about breakups when you're head over heels for someone and everything is just butterflies and holding hands and stealing kisses. You don't even remember what it's like to be alone or not to have someone to think about before you fall asleep. Like every other hopeless romantic in love, Oikawa Tooru -someone who never thought of himself  like this- didn't think about breakups. He was too young. Too young to realise what love can do to you, too young to face the fact that he experienced love in a way that was totally different from every other classmate of his. Like every other kid in middle school, he focused on his favourite sport and his grades, but then someone entered his life and messed up everything.<br/>Now Oikawa didn't remember what middle school was like before Kageyama Tobio changed his life. He didn't remember what being in love feels like either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a song fic inspired by Heartache by One Ok Rock and then it turned out a very angsty sad mess - i dont even know. I needed to get some things off my chest and i was feeling quite sad so this is the result, i'm posting it cause maybe someone out there needs some oikage feelings ? anyone ??  
> I really wanted to post something also because the new episode is out and s2 is so amazing so far i'm crying ;w;  
> -God bless small hinata being adorable as always-  
> i don't plan on writing any more oikage in the future but i hope you enjoy this 'thing' anyway!

You don't think about breakups when you're head over heels for someone and everything is just butterflies and holding hands and stealing kisses when no one sees you and even finding empty classrooms where to just be alone together for a while that seems like infinite, when you say 'I love you' for the first time and you feel that weird tight grip in your stomach but the second after you're in heaven cause the other person replies 'I love you too' with a flushed face that is the most beautiful face in the world to you. You don't even remember what it's like to be alone or not to have someone to think about before you fall asleep or someone to text 'goodnight' and 'goodmorning' to. Like every other hopeless romantic in love, Oikawa Tooru -someone who never thought of himself like this- didn't think about breakups. He was too young. Too young to realise what love can do to you, too young to face the fact that he experienced love in a way that was totally different from every other classmate of his. Oikawa Tooru was probably the best player in his volleyball team during middle school, what you can easily call a genius at first sight, but he was quite the opposite; he hated the concept of a genius, all his ability was being built up with practice and practice and practice. Like every other kid in middle school, he focused on his favourite sport and his grades, but then someone entered his life and messed up everything. Now Oikawa didn't remember what middle school was like before Kageyama Tobio changed his life. He didn't remember what being in love feels like either.

 

_So they say that time_

_Takes away the pain_

_But i'm still the same._

_And they say that I_

_Will find another you_

_That can't be true._

 

A practice match. Oikawa should have been worried about it for many reasons: he didn't think he had recovered fully from his knee injury, he didn't trust his team mates abilities without him on the court. He needed to defend the title of setter of the year and of Aobajousai's classifications in the top 4 teams during the last tournament. But the thing that worried him the most deep down had nothing to do with volleyball. Kageyama Tobio. His ex team mate. His kouhai. His first love. The guy that broke his heart. Oikawa spent the night before the match thinking about him. If he's changed, or if he's getting along with the new team, Karasuno -probably not-. If he was still so freaking good at tossing the ball. And if... If he remembered. Sometimes when you don't see a dear person to you for so long, even if they did you wrong you tend to remember only the good things of your relationship, all the bad moments are replaced with selected good memories. That was Oikawa's case. Why did they even break up in the first place? He didn't remember. How those lips felt on his own, how Tobio's small body felt in his arms, how he reacted when he touched his skin directly? Those things he remembered very well.

 

_Why didn't I realise?_

_Why did I tell lies?_

_I wish that I could do it again._

_Turning back the time,_

_Back when you were mine,_

_All mine._

 

His phone rang in the middle of the night. It was about 1am, technically already the morning before the feared practice match with Karasuno.

“I know you're planning on staying up so I wanted to remind you it's NOT FUCKING GOOD SO GO TO BED SOON STUPID!!!”

Iwaizumi yelled at him as soon as Oikawa picked up the call. “Ahh, Iwa-chan, I knew it'd be you. What are you doing awake too? Thinking lots about me, I see?”

“You dumbass, as I told you, you need someone to put you to bed like a child or something, so I'm doing my job.”

“How many times do I have to tell you, Iwa-chan, stop pretending you're a parent of mine, leave me be, I'll be okay tomorrow!”

Iwaizumi was sitting on his bed, clearly imagining the stupid grin on his friend's face, who maybe was also sticking his fingers up in the air doing the peace sign. There was a moment of silence and then Iwaizumi said the words Oikawa feared the most.

“I know he'll be there. You know it too.”

 _I know indeed_ , Oikawa thought.

“Don't stress too much over it... There's no need to. We will win the match and soon it'll be over.”

Oikawa was impressed at his friend for being so worried about him and was truly thankful for that, but at the same time he wanted to end the call because talking about seeing Kageyama so soon just made it more real and painful. Just spelling that name in his head was enough of a torture.

“I know, Iwa-chan” was the only reply he could think of. There was no need to add anything to it, really; Iwaizumi knew how Oikawa felt. He's always known him so well.

“Goodnight, Tooru. See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Iwa-chan.”

Oikawa did try to sleep that night, he truly did, but it wasn't easy. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Tobio's flushed face when he was holding him in his hands. Then, like a flash in the back of his eyelids he saw Tobio's face covered in salty tears for those times when they had arguments. But the moment after he was thinking about how beautiful Tobio looked without his shirt on, when they used to sneak in the changing room and push their bodies together so desperate to feel each other a bit more, in so many ways they didn't even know about yet. They knew nothing at the time, they only crashed their lips together and eventually ended up dry humping on Oikawa's bed from time to time. That was it. It was more than enough for them, they were too young, Tobio was too innocent. Oikawa started wondering how different it would be if he could experience that all over again, with a grown Kageyama that knows better about some stuff, that knows himself better too. A grown Kageyama that wouldn't be so confused when he found out he didn't hate it when Oikawa was touching him, didn't hate it when his senpai was licking his lips, didn't hate that he liked boys. Oikawa reminded himself to stop thinking about it too much, but once those images were on his mind he couldn't just wipe them off and pretend he didn't care. Kageyama surely was different now. Would it be better with him as a high schooler now? Would it feel strange? Would we not argue all the time? Oikawa didn't want to answer to those scary questions, but he kept picturing what would happen with a grown Kageyama. Soft stolen kisses in between classes turned into passionate and maybe even violent crashing of their lips so desperate to swallow each other's helpless moans. Innocently grinding their crotches together turned into shoving Tobio's clothes on the floor and tasting every inch of his body, licking his nipples, kissing his thighs, his hips and _god,_ Oikawa needed to stop. It was no good for him to fantasize that way about his ex. Kageyama had moved on. Kageyama was probably happy. With someone else.

 

 

_So this is heartache?_

_So this is heartache?_

_The regrets that I picked up along the way,_

_They change into tears, oh baby_

_So this is heartache?_

_So this is heartache?_

_Your smile that day, changes into memories for me,_

_I miss you._

 

 

He saw him. He saw him standing on the court. He could only see his neck, his shoulders, his back, the uniform spelling Karasuno, and then he took the jumper off and _god_ , he was truly a sight. Number 9 Kageyama Tobio. He looked good in black and orange. Oikawa hated hmself for thinking such thoughts, but he did look great. In another world he would come up to Kageyama and hug him, tell him he'd missed seeing that frowny face around all the time. In another life maybe Kageyama wasn't so terrified about meeting him again or playing against him. Maybe. He was supposed to warm up. Iwaizumi and Kunimi were talking to him but words couldn't reach him. All he could do was stare at the thin figure of Karasuno's setter on the court.  _Do you still play like an angel or are you even better? Are your hands still that beautiful or are you even more umbearably gorgeous while tossing the ball?_

 

 

 _You who’s the only one who satisfies_ _my heart,_

_You, who’s the only one who could touch my heart,_

_Oh baby_

_You’re not here anymore,_

_I have nothing now._

 

 

“Idiot, you serve first. Keep that in mind.” Iwaizumi gave up on trying to get him to focus and kept practicing with other team mates. Oikawa was left alone standing, lost at the sight of number 9. Kageyama then started talking to a shorty, a player with number 10 on the shirt, with ginger hair, and then another one, also short -oh, their libero-. Number 2 wasn't going to play but he interacted with Kageyama a lot, that grey haired guy. Little Tobio-chan was talking to everyone. _How strange_ , he thought. He really did change a lot. _Do they know you like I know you, Tobio? Do they know about your past? Do they know about us?_ And then it struck him. Maybe they did know. Maybe Kageyama had opened up to someone. _Did you tell them how you were hopelessly lost for me? How you looked into my eyes like it was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? How you licked my lips like it was the last thing you'd do in this life?_ Suddenly Oikawa was scared. Maybe Tobio was feeling like he used to feel for him but for someone else, this time. It broke his heart instantly. He's never thought about this but yes, his little kouhai Tobio would eventually fall for someone else. Kiss someone else's lips. Feel his heart race in his chest while touching the skin of someone that wasn't him.  _So have you told them, Tobio? Do they know about us? God, I hope you didn't. Please._ _Please, Tobio._ _Please don't tell them all my secrets. Our secrets. All the times I whispered I loved you while you made a mess out of me just by staring at me with those blue eyes. I may seem strong to them but you know me, you know I'm not when it comes to you. So please don't tell them how weak I was for you. How weak you still make me. Please._

 

 

_It’s so hard to forget_

_That tightly tied knot,_

_It’s so hard to forget_

_The stronger I pull on it,_

_You and all the regret,_

_The more I couldn’t understand them,_

_The more I couldn’t get away._

_This moment's painful, it’s painful,_

_I want to forget you at once._

 

 

“I'll crash my adorable kouhai.”

That's all Oikawa could say while facing him. He shoved all of his memories in the back of his mind trying to erase everything. It hurt like hell, but he had to, it was the only thing he could do to allow himself to move on. To be happy again, maybe.

 _I hope you don't hate me too much, Tobio. I hope you still remember the butterflies._ _You may forget about me one day, but please never forget that feeling. Our time together. My love._

 


End file.
